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Thread: Chuck Norris

  1. #1
    unleashed
    My father in law is a big Texas walker fan....Chuck Norris is Undoubtly a horrible actor..I dont get it. I think his best role is in the Bruce lee movie where he doesnt talk! hahahaha
    Anyhow saw this on another website and thought it was funny...Ok I've been drinking!
    *Why Chuck Norris Rules*
    Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
    Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
    Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
    Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
    Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
    girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't eff* with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
    Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
    To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
    Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
    The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
    Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
    Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

  2. #2
    Squirtin Thunder
    My father in law is a big Texas walker fan....Chuck Norris is Undoubtly a horrible actor..I dont get it. I think his best role is in the Bruce lee movie where he doesnt talk! hahahaha
    Anyhow saw this on another website and thought it was funny...Ok I've been drinking!
    Did you trip ??? I mean drunks shouldn't drink and post, and there freinds should take there keyboards.

  3. #3
    WUTWZAT
    Did you trip ??? I mean drunks shouldn't drink and post, and there freinds should take there keyboards.
    Now that right there was kinda funny!
    Jason

  4. #4
    SummerBreeze
    Thanks for the Norris funny

  5. #5
    HM
    JBB already converted the chuck norris stuff into Tom Brown. Tom Brown can delete this simply by flexing his eye brows.

  6. #6
    chub
    Deano, I honestly don't want to know what site you got this from, but it is funny shiat!

  7. #7
    unleashed
    Chuck Norris Round kicked my ass last night and made me post that post! hahahahahaha
    Deano
    Unleashedclothing (http://www.unleashedclothing.com) :crossx:

  8. #8
    unleashed
    Chuck Norris is handing out free asskickings for everyone on the boards...Merrry Christmas.
    Deano
    Unleashedclothing (http://www.unleashedclothing.com) :crossx:

  9. #9
    Charley
    Chuck Norris is to acting what Unleashed is to clothing
    HAHAHAHA
    I bet you call me back now focker! call me at home

  10. #10
    unleashed
    Chuck Norris is to acting what Unleashed is to clothing
    HAHAHAHA
    I bet you call me back now focker! call me at home
    Hey I didnt know Santa allowed you to post during busy season! hahahahah
    Deano
    Unleashedclothing (http://www.unleashedclothing.com) :crossx:

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