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Thread: the Best of Craigslist

  1. #1
    Cas
    this one really busted my gut.
    sounds a lot like a Brown story
    ***************************************
    DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY WILL GREASE YOUR ASS.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Date: 2006-07-17, 2:10AM PDT
    Don't even f*cking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.
    I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the f*ck.
    The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont f*cking tell you...
    Except in tiny print you cant read without a f*cking electron microscope
    ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."
    Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.
    So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.
    Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the f*ck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?
    So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You f*cking Pringle bastards.
    I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.
    The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole f*cking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.
    I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.
    That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so f*cking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.
    So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.
    You f*cking Pringle bastards.
    The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the f*cking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shiat again.
    F*cking Pringle bastards.
    This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. F*ck Pringles.
    this is in or around ANAL LEAKAGE, ANYBODY?
    no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  2. #2
    vmjtc3
    Dude I almost spit my mint chocolate chip ice cream on my lap top.......

  3. #3
    squirt'nmyload
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......i love best of

  4. #4
    HM
    Jay Leno talked about this in a monologue when Olean came out and people were frightened by the small print "may cause anal leakage."
    The makers said there was no risk if consumers ate product with Olean in moderation. Jay Leno pointed out that if consumers could eat in moderation, they wouldn't be buying the fat free crap!!!

  5. #5
    jbone
    That's pretty funny!
    J

  6. #6
    Run_em_Hard
    That is one of the funniest damn things I have read in a long time.

  7. #7
    HocusPocus
    You f*cking Pringle bastards.
    now theres a signature just waiting to be used!

  8. #8
    GunninGopher
    Oh damn I hurt right now!!!
    That was funny

  9. #9
    DeeCandyBar
    we're doomed - tom brown is on craig's list too!

  10. #10
    dego red
    If ever you are out camping, and need something to get a fire started, just light a few Pringles. You will have a roaring fire in no time as those chips burn like a sob....
    red

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