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Thread: Gym farts

  1. #1
    Tom Brown
    I hit the gym 3~5 times per week. It's one of the best parts of my life. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a muscle man but I'm in pretty solid shape.
    Every year, just before the New Year, new people start pouring in. It gets worse the first week in January but it doesn't last more than a few days. These people, at least from a fitness point of view, are morons.
    You know the people I'm talking about. They come in all flabby and weezing, step up to the machines and try to nail up huge weight beyond their abilities. Their motions are so herky-jerky and they have such little control of the weight that they hurt themselves trying to pretend they're in good shape.
    ... then there are the fat chicks. I try to be respectful of obesity generally. It is a terrible issue for a lot of people. The thing is, these broads come in, step onto the treadmill or stationary bike, set the mother fukker on kill and start peddling as fast as they can. Jesus, lady. Let us get a crash cart ready before you pull that shit.
    What's going through these women's minds? Did they look in the mirror one day and say to themselves, "Gee... I don't look good. I need to loose 200 lbs. I think I can lose the weight in 10 minutes by exercising until I hurt myself and living off rice cakes for 4 days. ... then, once I'm slim, I'll go back to the couch and rolling bon-bons on my tongue."
    The thing about a sedentary lifestyle is it screws up your entire system from the colon to your state of mind. None of it is good. When you begin to exercise, things start working properly. The colon, not believing it's good fortune that it can function again, starts passing the gas that normally would just stay put and cause bloating. These sedentary people always fart like crazy when they start to exercise.
    .... so I'm sawing away on an elliptical trainer and Rosanne Barr pulls in next to me. Within 3 minutes, I was engulfed in a methane bubble that was the nastiest one I've ever been exposed to. I was on a little over half way through a 60 minute cycle but I had to step off and move to a stationary bike.
    I like to pretend I don't notice when that happens but this one was beyond what I could deal with. Gads!

  2. #2
    voodoomedman
    Okay you know those farts are bad if Brown can't handle them. What with the stink he has to sit in when he's taking one of his legendary craps!
    I hit the gym 3~5 times per week. It's one of the best parts of my life. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a muscle man but I'm in pretty solid shape.
    Every year, just before the New Year, new people start pouring in. It gets worse the first week in January but it doesn't last more than a few days. These people, at least from a fitness point of view, are morons.
    You know the people I'm talking about. They come in all flabby and weezing, step up to the machines and try to nail up huge weight beyond their abilities. Their motions are so herky-jerky and they have such little control of the weight that they hurt themselves trying to pretend they're in good shape.
    ... then there are the fat chicks. I try to be respectful of obesity generally. It is a terrible issue for a lot of people. The thing is, these broads come in, step onto the treadmill or stationary bike, set the mother fukker on kill and start peddling as fast as they can. Jesus, lady. Let us get a crash cart ready before you pull that shit.
    What's going through these women's minds? Did they look in the mirror one day and say to themselves, "Gee... I don't look good. I need to loose 200 lbs. I think I can lose the weight in 10 minutes by exercising until I hurt myself and living off rice cakes for 4 days. ... then, once I'm slim, I'll go back to the couch and rolling bon-bons on my tongue."
    The thing about a sedentary lifestyle is it screws up your entire system from the colon to your state of mind. None of it is good. When you begin to exercise, things start working properly. The colon, not believing it's good fortune that it can function again, starts passing the gas that normally would just stay put and cause bloating. These sedentary people always fart like crazy when they start to exercise.
    .... so I'm sawing away on an elliptical trainer and Rosanne Barr pulls in next to me. Within 3 minutes, I was engulfed in a methane bubble that was the nastiest one I've ever been exposed to. I was on a little over half way through a 60 minute cycle but I had to step off and move to a stationary bike.
    I like to pretend I don't notice when that happens but this one was beyond what I could deal with. Gads!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,907
    I just let one out for you tom .

  4. #4
    Firecracker
    ... then there are the fat chicks.
    Nothing else really needed to be said after that. That summed up the whole story right there.
    I hate it when all you want to do is get through your work out, but the last machine you need to use has a 2 ton cow sitting on it, taking 20 minutes to get through 10 reps. I think there should be a specified time for time wasters at the gym. If you take more than 5 minutes, you are officially a time waster. :devil:

  5. #5
    Danhercules
    If I remember right, is this commin from the man that ate a block of cheese?

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,907
    Yeah ! I dont think I can take anymore . :yuk:

  7. #7
    Tom Brown
    If I remember right, is this commin from the man that ate a block of cheese?
    Maybe.

  8. #8
    C-2
    All I can say is that was some good reading.
    Tom Brown the storyteller.....http://usera.imagecave.com/lakelover...over/rofl1.gif

  9. #9
    boatsnblondes
    So the fat chick lets out an SBD, (silent but deadly) and nearly kills you through suffocation...wonder how long THAT thread woulda been had she succeeded....

  10. #10
    HCS
    It's usually when I'm about to bench press 300 lbs when Tom lets one go.
    Failed effort. :squiggle:

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